If I Was In Charge of California’s Traffic Laws

If I was in charge of the traffic laws and consequences of traffic violations in the state of California, there would be about 42 cars left on the streets at any given time.

What I would change!

A traffic ticket for anything would send you back to a very expensive driving school for six months before you might just maybe get your license back.  We’ll have to see how I feel then.

A speeding ticket would cost you a hundred bucks for every mile over the posted speed limit, plus the installation of a governor on your car that would prevent you from driving over 62 MPH.

Cell phone tickets would cost you your phone, a restraining order against whoever you were talking to, plus a sizable fine. You would also be required to attend an English class because all that texting has cost you your ability to spell, construct a complete sentence, and use proper grammar.

Cause a crash, run a red light, get caught speeding or weaving while on your cell phone, you will be banned for life from owning a cell phone. Your driver license will be stamped with the words; “I am too stupid to be allowed to have a Smart Phone!”

Drunk drivers would lose their licenses forever, made to collect one thousand bottles and cans on the side of the road (because you are most likely a litter-bug too), hold AA meetings in your man cave or craft room, and be ordered to become a volunteer traffic school teacher.

If you get caught driving drunk as a Lyft, Uber or taxi driver, or any other supposedly sober driving ride share service, you can just walk the rest of your life. You will not even be allowed on public transportation you rat!

A rolling right turn against a stop sign or red light will require you to stand under said stop sign/light for a year of weekends with a hand held sign reading “I did not stop!”

Causing a car wreck would cost you your license for at least a year, (maybe seven years), a public flogging, plus you will attend that very expensive six month driving school – twice in a row.

Hit a fire hydrant, pay for the hydrant, plus pay the water bill.

Hit a parked tree, pole, car, gas station etc, pay for the damages plus sit in a stockade in the public square every weekend for a year.

Hit a pedestrian, or hurt anyone with your bad driving, lose your license forever. You will also be required to attend traffic school to be used as a bad example to the students who will eventually (maybe) get their licenses back.

A road rage incident will require amputation of your middle finger and a ten thousand dollar fine. You will also be required to attend two years of sensitivity training, six years of anger management training, and you will also be required to attend 12 Air Supply concerts. You may substitute 12 Yanni, Barry Manilow, or Justin Bieber concerts for Air Supply if Air Supply does not tour your closest County Fair. You may also substitute a ‘Tribute to Air Supply’ band; however, you will need to attend 24 concerts of the tribute band.

The money generated by these popular new rules and the hundreds of new driving schools would pay for all the new public transportation options available to the newly license-less hordes, (not to mention paying off the rest of California’s budget needs), because most of you DON’T DESERVE TO DRIVE!

Have a nice day!

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