What We Will Not Do!

A few weeks ago we told you about the stuff we do without charging any extra fees.

Now we will tell you the things we at Designated Drivers of Santa Clarita WILL NOT DO!

We will not tell anyone where/when/if we picked you up or where/when/if we took you anywhere; not your mother, not your friend, not your spouse, not your person to contact in case of emergency. If the cops question us, however, you can bet your last drink token we will sing like a canary!

We will not let you ride in our car.

We are not a taxi. Taxi cab licensing and insurance is a different animal than us. That is why cab drivers all look like animals. And we have to get along with them. If your car is miles away from where you ended up, we will come get your keys, go retrieve your car, and then come get you. We will, however …and it’s a big however, throw you in our car if it is an immediate safety issue. NOTE: A date gone bad does not count as a safety issue.

We will not write a book about our driving adventures.

We have great respect for our customers. We will not embarrass you with a tell-all book about the amazing things we see and hear every night. That is; at least until we move far away and are relatively sure you will never find out where we live. But that will be years from now. We promise!

We will not treat your car like a taxi or pretend it is a race car.

We will not ‘put your car through the paces’ no matter how much you tempt, beg or coerce us to do so. Safety and comfort is our number one responsibility. We made a commitment to you, the cops, and the general public to be courteous and respectful of all traffic laws at all times. Those rumors of driving a Maserati up Sierra Hwy at 120 miles per hour are just that …rumors! Don’t believe everything you hear.

We will not tell anyone what we talked about.

We will not spill the deep secrets you tell us, or reveal to anyone the specific activities that happen in your car. What happens in your car stays in your car, until you clean it up. …or we write that way-distant-in-the-future book. Sometimes, what happens in your car ends up at our house. But that is a different story altogether.

We will not expect you to (in fact we hope you won’t) take our advice.

We may offer our fabulous opinions about relationships, religion, sports, politics, music, car purchases, plumbing, stock market tips, health issues, movies, astrology, psychology, fashion, Girl Scout cookies, UFO sightings, and/or places to eat. Do not listen to us! You have enough problems. Do not let us add to them.

We will not set appointments.

To be blunt, nine times out of eight you will not keep the appointment. Here is what happens. You call at 6:00pm and want to be picked up at 10pm. We pencil you in and adjust other ETAs around that. We call you at 9:45 to tell you we are on the way. Then you say, “Oh, can we push it back to 10:30?” At which point the dispatcher punches another hole in the wall and you get mad because we tell you we have other ETAs to keep. Just call us when you are ready to go home and we will put you in line.

We will not give out phone numbers.

We will not tell you the phone number or any personal information of any of our passengers or our drivers, no matter how much you bribe us to do so. If you offer a huge amount of bribe money, we may give you a bogus number and tell you later, “They must have changed their number!’ We will not refund your bribe if the number is wrong. Briber Beware!

We will not refuse to pick you up.

It does not matter if you just got thrown out of the bar for fighting, or threatened to break the liver of the next person you see, or if you have in the past treated us more condescendingly than a Republican treats a Sanders fan. It is a safety issue for you and the general public. We will always come get you and take you home. Even if you are upper management of a major bank who threatens to put us out of business if we do not break the law as you demand us to. I am not saying that actually happened. I am also not saying it did not happen. Just sayin’!

Call us! We will get you and your car safely and respectfully home!

Designated Drivers of Santa Clarita



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1 Comment

  1. You are amazing ! I want to give you my card # to keep on file for my baby girl and who is very else needs you!

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